he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
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