I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize
