do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Randomize
