what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Randomize
