I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Randomize
