you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Randomize
