I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
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could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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