i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
