I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
