I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
