so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
