we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
