you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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