Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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