honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
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