i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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