you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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