just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
