At least make sure they are 18
Why
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
