I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize