party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
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