She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
