you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Randomize
