saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
