I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
