my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
