I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
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