There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
