Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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