Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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