I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
