Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
