she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
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