Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
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