I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Randomize