i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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