God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
