We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
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