He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
