Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
