I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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