I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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