Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
