Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
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