I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Randomize
