well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize
