Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
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