Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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