are you still at the devil's house?
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
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