I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
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