CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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