I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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