Non-Jews are for practice
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
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