Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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