dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize
