forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
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