She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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