One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
Randomize
