You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Is this like a preordered booty call?
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Randomize
