dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
