is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Randomize
