Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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