i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
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