I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Randomize
