Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
