If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
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