oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Randomize
