She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
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