White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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