my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
