so explain again why im purple
no
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
